Cyber-bullies v. MOM

I’ve been following the cyber-bullying trial taking place in Los Angeles in a federal court regarding the Missouri woman who taunted her daughter’s friend on MySpace, allegedly resulting in the young girl’s suicide. It has come to light now that the deceased had a history of extreme insecurity, and that perhaps the accused woman even had knowledge of this. Despite this alleged knowledge, she continued to taunt the young girl with cruel words that, in the eyes of the some, encouraged her to take her own life. The woman will not be charged with homicide, the newspapers are quick to remind us, but rather online harassment. According to various AP news releases, the notion of a mistrial was brought up several times due to the extreme emotional nature of the case. 

            I don’t know how this case will end. I’ll keep following the headlines like everyone else. But what I have noticed about this case is the global attention it is receiving. In preparation for this blog, I searched “cyber-bullying” in news and found articles from sources from every major city in the U.S. as well as Canada and as far away as Australia and the UK and more. The eyes of the world are watching to see how this unprecedented case is resolved. And despite the fact that I’m not sure, myself, how it should be resolved, boy, oh boy, I hope we do it right.

As the parent of a 12-year-old girl, this whole story is especially tough to take. I have stayed up late into the night attempting to ease the heartbreak that few cruel words spoken by classmates can cause. I watch from the sidelines as my daughter prepares herself for her school day, or any day really, carefully selecting her clothes and her hairstyles, looking for a second opinion and reassurance in so many ways. I help her hang her Jonas Brothers posters over spaces where Zac Efron was only last week, and I listen to her side of the conversation as she dishes tween celebrity gossip with her friends over the course of multiple phone calls. Preteen and early teenage years are such a precious time. It’s a time when kids discover the sound of their own voices; it’s when they stomp around this earth of ours to check out their own footprints. It certainly doesn’t take much to knock their precarious worlds off course.

As most parents are, I am very aware of this. Wouldn’t it be nice if we could haul our kids around in those Snugli-paks until they were about, oh, 18? Well, I suppose that is a little impractical. Meanwhile, I’ll keep trying to undo the damages of harsh words spoken in the lunchroom. I’ll remain the almighty enforcer of the curfew that is, of course, earlier than the all the cool kids’ curfew. And even though those same cool kids all have MySpace accounts, I’ll continue to stand firm on my platform of big-fat NO. (“But how will I talk to my friends?” “With your mouth.” –And I’ve got tons more standard answers where that came from.)

This is it—the “parenting” I read about in handbook after handbook when this kid was still napping twice a day. Who knew some of the evils we were to protect them from would come in the form of an innocent-looking avatar? I don’t know what laws if any will result from this landmark MySpace-related court case, so I’m laying down the mom-law. We’re reminded from this case that things happen when we’re not looking. So I’m busting out the Visine and keeping both eyes as wide as I possibly can. 

Besides, I seriously doubt that one day I’ll look back and regret that I didn’t let my child MySpace more often. I doubt I’ll be sad we took those walks and had those talks during the time that my daughter could have been MySpace-ing with Pete from Toledo who loves Paramore and Twilight. I’ll take the heat for being “mean mom” cyber patrol. It’s okay—I hear all the cool parents are doing it.   

What is Cyber-Bullying?

The National Crime Prevention Council criterion of what constitutes cyber-bullying is “when the Internet, cell phones, or other devices are used to send or post text or images intended to hurt or embarrass another person.”

According to the U.S. Department of Education, National Center for Education statistics[1], 99% of all students had access to computers in public schools in 2002.  In 2003, the U.S. Census on Internet Access and Computing[2], 55% of American homes contained Web-connected computers. That number was triple of those utilizing Web-connected computers in homes in 1997, and could theoretically be in the 75-80% range or greater at this point. Of course, the very process of collecting data is tedious and the information is immediately outdated, but it is a fair to assume that most adults and nearly all students have access to the Internet at some point in the day. It is also a fair assumption that most Internet users have been victims of either cyber-harassment or cyber-bullying. The latter, cyber-bullying, is specifically aimed at young computer users and is the new buzzword online as well as in schools. Preventing cyber-bullying has becoming a hot topic amongst school administration, parents, and students everywhere. 

What is cyber-bullying? It’s exactly what it sounds like. It is when a child, pre-teen or teenager is targeted by another, usually repeatedly, through the use of technology (primarily the Internet) with the malicious intent to humiliate, harass or otherwise torment that individual. And with more teens using the Internet to access sites like MySpace, Facebook and other socially oriented community sites, it’s likely that the problem of cyber-bullying isn’t going anywhere soon.  

Be there no mistake–cyber-bullying and harassment is a crime, although laws regarding dealing with such offenses vary from state to state. Often times, repercussion happens in the form of lawsuits. As for schools, policies are changing to include ramifications for reported cyber offenses.  

This is a good day for The Scarlet Foundation to open dialogue about a problem that is under-reported and often ignored. Amongst today’s headlines is the ongoing saga of a trial that getting set to take place concerning one of the best publicized examples of cyber-bullying[3]. Federal prosecutors are selecting jurors to weigh in on a case against a Missouri woman who, in 2006, allegedly “preyed on the psyche of a 13-year-old girl” ultimately resulting in suicide. The woman, Lori Drew, is said to have posed as a 16-year-old boy who flirted with 13-year-old Megan Meier and then cruelly taunted her, going so far as to say “the world would be a better place without you.” Megan’s mother found her daughter dead later that day. This particular exchange took place on MySpace, a widely-used social network. Drew faces 20 years if convicted of one count of conspiracy and three counts of accessing protected computers without authorization. Obviously, this is a worst case scenario of cyber-bullying.

The Scarlet Foundation was created with the idea in mind that more eyes on Internet sites, boards, Spaces and other cyber nooks and crannies can help to curb taunting, cruel and unusual remarks and other inappropriate cyber activity that may bring harm to other users. The Scarlet Foundation seal will appear on sites desiring to send the message to its users that it has a no-tolerance policy against cyber-bullying or other forms of online harassment.  

What can you do about cyber harassment and cyber-bullying? Refrain from posting anything inflammatory on any site. Google yourself, your name and your email address–what do you find? Consider your words to be footprints leading back to your doorstep and never commit a remark to cyberspace that you can’t stand by. Take as much responsibility for your words as if they were coming from your own lips while you are looking the receiver in the eye. Set an example of young users in your household and train users to police their own footsteps as well. Instructing young people to ”sleep on it” or count to 20 can sometimes alleviate some of the anger that inspires immediate and sometimes detrimental online posts. Should your child be targeted by online bullying, there are various forms of online resources where such posts can be reported anonymously. Should your child know his or her bully, inform school authorities immediately about the derogatory Intenet attack. Keep the lines of communication open between you and your child regarding the Internet so that he or she will feel comfortable reporting such issues with you. A way of doing this would be to engage in an ongoing email dialogue with your child–children sometimes feel more comfortable expressing their concerns with their parents via the ”safety shield” of an IM icon or email letter. Also, being aware of the sites that your child is frequenting, having an adult in the room while your child is online, and speaking frankly with your child about their online activity are all ways to reduce the occurrences of cyber-bullying.   

Meanwhile, The Scarlet Foundation will be doing our part, patrolling the Internet to make is a safer place to work, socialize and do business. See you online!

Sources:

[1] http://nces.ed.gov/pubs2000/2000090.pdf

[2] http://maisonbisson.com/blog/post/11088/us-census-on-internet-access-and-computing/

[3] http://news.aol.com/article/woman-goes-on-trial-in-myspace-hoax/254725